5 January 2010 8:56 PM
Boy oh boy I’ve realized a lot of things since I first got here. Unfortunately I’ve forgotten so many things too and had to relearn them all over again. I wish I could say I was through with that but I know it’s going to keep happening. At least now that I’m at the top looking back I can see how I’ve been here too many times before. Right there where I finally have so many things figured out until I wake up again tomorrow, fresh again and embarking on another day repeating the same mistakes. I have to just write these things down on a sheet of paper and pin it to my wall, I swear. It wouldn’t even be a big piece of paper because even if it feels like I’m learning it for the first time, if I think about it I realize I’ve been here before.
Things change. Life changes. People change. It’s not sad. It’s a fact. I do it. You do it. We all do it. Sometimes it’s not fun. Sometimes it’s not pretty. It’s still just something that happens and you can choose to lament over it or you can just enjoy that such a moment ever existed even though it’s gone now.
Life is a beautiful, cruel thing. Sometimes it takes you to the top and sometimes it seems like it’s dropped you to the bottom even if you feel fine. It’s weird to just have everything happening at once and have that happen all the time, everyday, but I’m dealing with it. It’s been three months as of today. That’s a quarter of a year. Next week will mark 100 days since my plane first touched down here all that time ago. I’ll hopefully get a chance to write on that later. I wish I had more time to reflect on things now but I have a test on Thursday, an in-class essay on Friday, a research paper on Monday, and another 18-25 page research paper on Tuesday. School never minds if you have other things you’d like to be thinking about.
I’m finally feeling like my Kiswahili is improving and I started my first hour of private tutoring today which went well and I also had a few conversations with random people in only Swahili. I’m getting more comfortable with where I am than when I first arrived which is why I originally wanted to stay for the year – I don’t want to leave right when I’m getting adjusted and comfortable. I gotta move on though.
I hope to get back on here soon, maybe celebrate something for 100 days next week. Just know that I’m thinking of all of you and I really appreciate having you in my lives. You’ve been a tremendous source of strength for me even in the darkest times of this journey. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m having a hard time right now by the way. Class is overwhelming and I’m processing some other things but oddly enough I feel fine. The world is turning all the time and I’m just tired of fighting it so it’s time to just turn with it for a while.
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