Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Well that was a quick four months

Hello to anyone who still checks this,

I apologize sincerely for neglecting this after I got back.  To be honest, I had the busiest summer of my life but there really is no excuse for just disconnecting everything like that so I am sorry for leaving my study abroad story without an end.

I am back in Eugene now for my senior year at the University of Oregon and my life continues to be busier than ever.  Fortunately, my time has been filled with more fun and exciting things than ever so this is a change that I welcome freely.  I am already midway through the third week of the Fall term here and am currently camped out in the library where I am kind of doing homework.

I am thinking that maybe I would like to keep this blog updated in the coming months and see what that leads to as I continue my journey as a student.  Like I said, I have been occupied with a lot of fun and exciting things, but my purpose for writing would not be simply to share my life with anyone reading but rather to share what I am learning and think other people would find enlightening.

My study abroad experience and internship have been officially completed for quite some time and all of my credits transferred nicely with astonishingly little headache.  I still continue to be involved with my internship site (ECOLI) and that is actually the reason that I decided to come on here and write again.

First and foremost, thank you to everyone for your support throughout the duration of the time that I was gone.  Both emotionally and financially, I really appreciated all of it.  We were able to donate that projector to ECOLI and that could not have been done without the help and support of my family, friends and church who all donated to help make it a reality.  I thank you all sincerely and cannot express my gratitude enough within the confines of the English language (or Kiswahili, for that matter).

I am proud to say that the organization has made an important step since I left and decided to move the premises of the school.  The alcoholic landlord had been abusing his position of power by raising the rent because of the presence of white volunteers who he stereotyped as having a lot of money, charging far more than any property in that poor area of town is worth with full knowledge of our lack of any other adequate spaces within the community we served.  This is a complete abuse of the good intentions of myself and fellow volunteers and unfortunately he has been getting away with it for quite some time.  This saps the funds of the organization including those raised by myself and other volunteers who had hoped that any funds we raised could be used for different projects and purposes.  Truly, this is an injustice and by far a greater robbery than the one I had inflicted upon me during my time there.

Alas, I have been charged with the task of trying to do a little more fundraising to make this migration a possibility and this is the point I am trying to make with this whole blog post.  The new location is nearby and Juhudi (my old boss, if you remember) sounds very excited about it through his emails.  The new landlord is asking for six months rent up front to rent out the space and the amount I have been asked to raise is $500 or more if I am able before the new year.

I want to clarify right this instant that I am not asking anyone for money personally but instead am asking for anyone reading to help me by coming up with some creative ideas for how I can do some fundraising here in Eugene.  My education as a nonprofit management minor and multiple conversations/discussions with people in the nonprofit sector has lead me to believe that the ability to fundraise is a very valuable skill; one which is needed and sought after.  I don't want to just hit up friends and family forever.  In fact, I want to stop that with the projector thing and never have to do that again (Not because it was a terrible experience, but just that I want to be on a more sustainable path for future fundraising opportunities).

Drawing on the old biblical parable, I would like to thank all of those who fed me a fish when I needed it all those months ago, but now I seek to learn how to fish myself.  The front-running idea at this point in time is to ask a local bar to help do a fundraiser where I bring in people and they donate the tips or have special drinks where a portion of the profit will be donated.  It seems like a good idea though I worry that it may fall short of the target and leave me a little empty handed.  Please feel free to offer any input and insight you might have so that we can reach this goal and thank you all very much for reading once again.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

In JFK

I've made it stateside!  I'm here in the airport now with only a couple more hours to kill before I head to Portland.  How exciting.  I still have stamina and things are going well so far.  I just wanted to share some of my initial observations on returning to the homeland even though the inside of an international airport is not quite the full America experience.  Here are just some notes:

- It's been really hard for me to fight the urge to greet every black person I see in Swahili.
- It's interesting seeing gay and lesbian people again.
- I just ate at Sbarro and almost cried because it was so delicious after this long time.
- Readjusting to much different dress standards for women is... umm... well...
- On that note, there are basically naked women on the front of every magazine cover.
- US coins seem really foreign to me.  I found some on the floor, picked them up and was mesmerized for at least 5 minutes.  However, I can still probably beat you at quarters.
- I am appreciating being back to anonymous white guy status
- Though I think I also have sketchy status too which is fun but may explain why people won't talk to me
- Or maybe people just don't talk to strangers as much here as what I'm used to.
- Oh yeah, and fat people.

Just some quick notes from here in NYC.  All is well.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Return


Wednesday, June 16, 2010  9:22 PM (Doha and Dar es Salaam time)

I am writing this from the airport here in Doha, Qatar where I will sit for the next 12 hours before my flight leaves for JFK in the morning.  I fought valiantly to get a hotel room for the night but alas it was unsuccessful.  I did manage to get a dinner out of it though so I’ll take that victory!  I have to admit that I’ve been having a blast here so far.  There are people of all colors and hues here with me holding down the lighter end of things pretty well.  I remember this place well from my last stay here and am delighted to see that there are still a bunch of old middle eastern dudes who dye their beards orange.  I made the stupid mistake (for the second time this week) of wearing shorts in a predominantly Muslim place but the world is changing and this is becoming less of a big deal so I’ll count this as a victory too, I suppose.  I’m making my way back into the developed world and it’s pretty exciting.  Already, just in this airport alone, I’ve drank out of a drinking fountain(!!) and even had a fountain soda.  Absolutely amazing.  I’m pretty happy right now and actually enjoying everything.  My plan from this point forward is to pull somewhat of an all-nighter here and maybe work on my internship paper/screw around on the internet/listen to all of the songs that have been stuck in my head all day/and write this here blog then on the plane stay up as long as I can watching movies, tv shows, music videos, etc. until I get to New York and then hopefully get drunk or just nap on that last flight to Portland.  Everything is going well so far and I’m not having too hard of a time adjusting or anything though the point of me writing this is to talk about the topic of my anticipated reintegration.



IE3, the Oregon organization that I did my internship through, was kind enough to send me some information about “re-entry shock” and some possible solutions.  I’m serious in saying that I appreciate this and think it’s cool that they sent me this but I’ve got some of my own comments and such on it since I’ve read it.  You can find the link to what I’m talking about here: http://ie3global.ous.edu/alumni/re_entry_shock/ .  Here’s the headlines that they arranged everything under and some commentary from me:


You may feel confused because the values, attitudes and lifestyles you learned in your host family conflict with predominant patterns at home

…maybe.  I suppose this is probably true even though I wasn’t in a host family but rather just a different culture.  I’m pretty sure most of my values, attitudes and lifestyles have always conflicted with the predominant patterns of home anyway.  Even now that I’m here in Doha, I’m disappointed at how trivial all of the duty free perfumes seem and all of the disposable plates/cups/etc. of the cafeteria.  I didn’t like this kind of stuff at home but I guess I sort of forgot about it over the last months because it’s not as prevalent where I was.  Not really a change in values I think though.

Sometimes friends and family at home do not seem interested in hearing about aspects of your experience that you find meaningful and important.

Why should you?  You weren’t there and that’s not your fault.  Some friends and family not at home (as in back in Tanzania) are not interested in hearing about these things either.  Same situation as before where people just aren’t always interested in the same things as me.  Just something that’s always been that way.

Friends and family may treat you as the same person you were before you left without recognizing the changes you have been through. You might feel a need for new or modified personal relationships that acknowledge the changed or expanded dimensions of your personality.

I’m still Scott.  I admit I have changed in some ways and more than I know but also other people I meet up with will probably be looking for changes anyway, potentially to the point where they’re imagining things that aren’t true.  For example, even after my first semester in Canada a couple years ago, my friend told me I talk different or something like that but I mean if you’re looking for things then you’ll probably find something but that doesn’t mean that it’s actually different.  Here are some changes I’m expecting: my body will take some time to handle the change in foods (everything is processed for example and I will probably be lactose intolerant now – lame), I have more experience and knowledge to back up the things I already believed before I left, and I have suppressed the desire to go a bit crazy for several months now which I hope my friends will let me.  I’m sure there will be more than this but I’m at a pretty good point in my life and my attitude right now where I can handle this pretty well.

You may feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings of affection for your host family because your own family feels left out or possibly jealous. Friends might also seem to be envious or jealous of the experience you have had.

Okay well I didn’t actually have a host family but that second sentence is interesting.  My friend has actually given me some good perspective on that and inspired me a bit or at least gotten me to perk up a bit when times were tough.  A long time ago Michael told me something like “whatever dude I’m still jealous” which made me realize that yeah it actually was pretty cool to be there.  The truth is that it’s much different just imagining a place versus actually living there, especially for an extended period of time.  I expect you all to have some interesting conceptions on what my life has been like but you have to understand that to me it was just life.  By the end of everything, it was just what I was used to and it felt to me the way life at home feels.  When you’re accustomed to it, you don’t have that new feeling anymore like everything is fresh and foreign to your eyes.  I admit that I thought it was really cool but I feel that way about Eugene a lot too and Vancouver or just other places.  Life is life wherever you are.

You might be confused about future educational and career plans in light of new or uncertain goals and priorities.

Actually the opposite is true which is really great.  I wish I could have learned this new knowledge years ago because it would have changed the course of my life.  I feel good and prepared to take the next step.

If you find that your attitudes and opinions have changed considerably during your stay abroad and are not widely shared in your home community, you may feel isolated or rejected. You may feel highly critical of your home country because you have new perspectives on it; you may be criticized by others for your "negative attitude."

Same story as before where I have always felt somewhat isolated in my beliefs.  Maybe that’s why I wound up in Tanzania and not Europe or something.  Maybe I am isolated in my beliefs.  I’ve always been critical of my home country and though I do have new perspectives, I’ve actually really learned to love life in the U.S. or at least be thankful that I was fortunate enough to be born there… though I’ve always been criticized for my “negative attitude” but believe me I’m trying to correct this.

You may become frustrated because people at home are uninformed about, or uninterested in, other peoples and cultures, including those of your host community. Faced with this lack of concern, you might feel that there is no way for you to take an active role in helping solve the problems of others in the world community.

This one is actually true.  It’s true that I am frustrated and also true that people’s lack of concern makes it really hard to try and mobilize people in trying to give a shit about what’s going on in the world or at least broadening theirs.  You’ve already forgotten about Haiti, haven’t you?  Well let me tell you something, Haitians haven’t and won’t for a long time to come.  It’s a blessing and a burden that we can’t care more about things that don’t directly affect ourselves but please never forget that these are real people and never just statistics.  Make a connection somehow and humanize others because we ought to share suffering as humanity not just make it acceptable for some to struggle immensely while we refuse to even try to let this interest us.


So that’s that on my end of things.  There is another link that they said is good for family and friends to read that you can check out here: http://ie3global.ous.edu/alumni/info_for_family_and_friends/ .  I haven’t read through it yet but it’s probably interesting at least.

Some closing comments now.  Just from having my dad come and visit I started thinking a lot more about people at home and how it’s going to be or at least remembering how it was a little bit more.  First thing I noticed was complaining (sorry Dad, but it’s true).  I’m not a fan of complaining though I admit that I do it from time to time as well.  Next time you find yourself complaining, count your blessings.  Seriously.  Our lives our great.  Not to say that we don’t have legitimate concerns but we tend to victimize ourselves over such small things which is just, well, pathetic.  Be thankful, dammit!  The second thing was that although things have definitely changed at home, a lot of the same issues are still there.  I realized that some things just have never changed and unless you step away or do something different for a while, they’re bound to continue along the exact same path into eternity.  I won’t go more into this.

My last expectations or rather warnings are that I am incredibly out of date in terms of what has happened at home.  I lacked a reliable and accessible internet connection which thoroughly prevented me from keeping up with the news and social lives of my friends.  Who is dating who nowadays?  What’s going on in the world?  Who has moved or is just going somewhere else?  I have a lot to catch up on and unfortunately so does my sense of humor.  My material still dates back to last summer.  Are Jonas Brothers jokes still cool to make?  Probably not.  Please folks, bear with me on this all as it is bound to take some time.

Last (and really last this time) I have to expect the unexpected here.  This re-entry shock is supposed to be way worse than the initial culture shock and they say the same is true about jetlag.  We’ll just deal with these as they come.  One thing I think I've learned out of this whole experience is how to put things into perspective and just how to deal with things which I think will make a big difference in this next part.  My plan for right now is to set myself on the path to self-destruction and hope that when I come out of the crash, things have settled down nicely.

With all that said, I look forward to seeing everyone once again.  It’s probable that by the time you read this, I will already be home.  Give me a call, say hey, do whatever.  It would be nice to reunite after this time away.  Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

...well?

So Dad came and went as well as the rest of my days.  By this time tomorrow I will be midair on my way to Doha where I get to experience all the joys of yet another 11 hour layover.  They informed me that because I booked through STA, I do not qualify for the free hotel room overnight (though $125 c  an change that - not going to happen).  I will still try to talk my way into it but if not then I'm set for another doozy.  Regardless, it'll still take me something like 47 hours from the time I leave where I am staying here until I get off the plane at home.  How come it only took my dad 24?  Not cool.

I would like to take the time to write up something nice but I'm back here in the CIEE office and don't really feel like doing that all right now.  It will probably come in the airport if that's where I end up staying tomorrow night so stay tuned.

What can I say?  It's been a blast.  I don't feel like I'm leaving or really like I ever leave anywhere, just go somewhere else.  I'll see you all soon I suppose and would like to thank all those who have been reading throughout.  It's been great, thanks a lot.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hey all,

So just a quick update here: we got the projector squared away (yay!). This is good news. Just putting this out there that if anyone wants to contribute in any way to help cover the cost at all, it would be appreciated. It's happening either way, so no worries, but just thought I'd ask.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

"Habari Yangu"

“My News”

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Good golly, Miss Molly time sure does fly. Less than a week left in May? I don’t believe it. It’ll be June next week and then I’ll have been gone for 8 months, been 21 for 7 of them and still haven’t had a beer at dinner with the folks. That’s a crime.

I thought I’d write up a little update on how everything’s progressing on my end of the world while I still have the time. This is week 11 of my 12 week internship and it’ll probably be finished by the time I get this bad boy on the web. My dad is coming in a week from Thursday and I feel like hitting the ground running with that old man so I can’t say that I’ll have another chance to update this here blog once we get set in motion. I’ll just go ahead and write this assuming I’ll get at least one more chance between now and then to set the record straight.

I might as well start with what I’ve already started with and say yep, my days are winding down quickly. I have officially changed my return date on my ticket so I will be departing Dar es Salaam on the afternoon of Wednesday June 16th. If I catch all of my flights, I should be touching down at PDX around midnight of the 17th/18th. Kevin Love himself has generously offered to pick me up from the airport so it seems like everything is taken care of on that end of things so I just have to figure out what to do with myself between now and then.

I have been a bit overwhelmed with my internship over the past few weeks as what started as just an inkling at the beginning of the month that I might not finish everything I had originally hoped to has looked more and more like a reality by the end of every week. We keep piling on new things like grant applications or necessary revisions to other work and then just because God has a sense of humor, the power will be out for at least one day every week effectively halting any work I need to be getting done on the computer. I am fortunate enough where this affords me another opportunity to go outside of the office and see another part of Arusha as well as another side of Juhudi. This I have really enjoyed and has been very educational for me though I’m having guilt about not contributing fully to the organization like I want to even though I’m still getting so much out of this experience.

I’m hearing back from all of the different departments and groups back home that I’m accountable to for getting credit for this whole shindig too. I’ve got to get moving on all of these reflective pieces and start wrapping everything up. Like I said, once I finish and my dad is in town, I don’t plan on spending a great deal of time sitting and working on my computer. Some of the stuff I’ve been sent also is about just returning back to the U.S. and how return culture shock is often worse than the initial culture shock of arriving in the first foreign country. Reading this literature, I’ve got some interesting ideas and opinions that I’d like to write more about on here when the time is right. They even sent me something to send to friends and family to help ease the transition. If I write about one more thing before I come home, I hope it’s that and I’ll share all that stuff but the time isn’t right for it yet so hopefully in a couple weeks I get that up here.

I started going to church the last couple weeks and will probably end up going again on this coming Sunday. This has brought a marked shift in the ratio of times I talk about going to church vs. the amount of times I actually go. It feels good to go and I am actually going for the whole God aspect of it though the cultural experience is something too though, I must say. I actually don’t even know where to start on describing that whole aspect of it… it’s all in Kiswahili, I’m the only white dude there, it’s Pentecostal which tends to feel pretty evangelical/gospel-y/etc. and I have been asked by too many people if I have been “saved”. It’s also just on a big concrete slab that is the foundation of the church to be but cannot yet be afforded so they just built some pole frame to hold up the tin roof that keeps us dry. I’ve felt very humbled by my time here in Tanzania and I am very thankful for the things I have in life and the experiences I’ve been lucky enough to have. I go with my neighbor who says about how God provides for him so he feels it’s right to give back as well. I like that.

The place I was able to go to during the first half of my time here where I could use really good wifi has not had any access for the past three weeks or so. This is why I haven’t been able to post those pictures that I wanted to yet or also another blog I wrote up that involves linking some youtube videos but I just don’t have the speed to find the links to them yet. It also caused some pretty severe problems and stress when it came time to change my plane tickets and register for classes for next fall. I got those taken care of but there’s still one pretty important thing I’m trying to get done real soon that has got me a little worried. I’m trying to get a projector that can hook up to a computer and show powerpoints and other things for the place where I’m doing my internship. I’ve set some people out to help me in tracking a used one from home down (it’s like $2000 here for one or $150 to borrow one for the day) but they’ve been quiet lately and time is winding down. I want to get this as a gift which will give back because if they can rent it out to other people and groups even for just one day, that will pay the rent of the entire center and office for an entire month. It’s such an easy thing for us to do at home and something we take for granted but it would make a world of difference here. If I did this and nothing else with my time here, I would feel like I accomplished something. So, I’ve got my fingers crossed on this working out.

I think that’s about all from my end. I leave this amazing place in three weeks from tomorrow. I admit I’m really looking forward to it even though I’m supposed to be really sad to leave. I said earlier that I’m feeling really thankful for the life I have and a big part of that is my friends and family. When I’ve got that to go back to, how can I not be excited?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Influence

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

This post is the overdue response to the questions asked by none other than Mr. David Yabu about a month ago during that whole “ask me a question” fiasco and I really only heard from him and one other person, the talented and gentlemanly Mr. Michael Lansing. As I sit at my computer now at home without having the actual questions in front of me or any way to access them at this point in time, I feel the need to answer what I remember of David’s questions just based off of how I remember them for two reasons: a) because I finally looked it up again a couple days ago and it’s been on my mind ever since, and b) because I’ve actually got the motivation, inspiration, and rough idea of how I’d like to answer them at this point and this feeling doesn’t always last so I gotta write it out now or else it’s never. So I apologize for misinterpreting them and not remembering their exact wording, but here goes my attempt.

I believe the questions were something like this: Who has influenced you most during your study abroad? And what is the Tanzanian equivalent to Pabst Blue Ribbon?

I’m going to start with the second of the two just because although both have presented a persistent challenge to me over the last few days, this one seems significantly to at least take a stab at. So in answer to your question about the presence of a Tanzanian equivalent to PBR, I would have to say that there simply is none. I can, however, just share with you my experiences and opinions on the beers here. And guess what… I’m going to! (keep reading)

There are basically only about 7 beers in Tanzania and 5 of them are almost identical. Your everyday beers are Safari Lager, Kilimanjaro Lager, Castle Lager, Tusker Lager, Serengeti Premium Lager, and Ndovu which, believe it or not, is also a lager! Since I’ve been here, they’ve added a few new beers, or maybe it just took me a little while to come across them, and they are Uhuru Peak Lager (my personal favorite), Eagle Lager, and Castle Milk Stout.

All beer here is served in glass bottles that are returnable and reused which I appreciate for the environmental aspects though I’ve been longing to just get a pitcher on tap. We saw a small kegerator at a Chinese restaurant once in Dar but we had already ordered drinks before we inquired about it and for all we know was just our minds playing tricks on us. You can also get some beers in cans from a few places which sometimes is the only way they’ll let you do takeaway with them but overall I rarely drink from cans because you get less beer for your money and they don’t recycle them but it is something you have to do at least once because they’re different cans from home with different proportions, ways of opening, and are a little heavier so you always feel like there’s another drink left when it’s empty and this of course fools us Americans at least every time. Now even though all the beers I’ve mentioned again are made by one of two companies, come in almost the same bottle, taste virtually identical and are all sold for the same price which makes it challenging to determine which one is most like PBR, each beer is distinguished slightly in its own way.

Safari had the highest alcohol content (before I discovered the milk stout and Uhuru) and was probably the beer we drank most back in Dar. Tanzanians say this is a “strong beer” even though it’s really only like .2% stronger than a couple of the other beers but they always seem kind of amazed when you drink it and waiters will do like a double-take or ask if you’re sure if you happen to order this and are female. Dylan and I met a couple Brits in Malawi who had passed through Tanzania before and were convinced that this wasn’t actually a lager but rather a pilsner. They’re right that it does taste a little different and now that I’ve actually seen other places like Malawi and Zambia which each only have 2 or 3 different beers each, I’ve stopped complaining about the lack of variety here in Tanzania. Whether it is actually a pilsner or a lager still has yet to be proven.

Serengeti, or “chui” because it has a leopard on it (“chui” is Kiswahili for “leopard”) does have a little bite to it that we confused for a metallic taste when we were still new here. It does taste different than all the others and boasts itself as 100% malt though by every way that you could interpret that, it doesn’t quite seem true. Still, it’s got a unique flavor to it that makes it hard to mix with other beers so you usually stick with this for a while.

Kilimanjaro and Castle are essentially the exact same thing. They’re both pretty generic lagers alright and the only thing that really separates them is the design, marketing and origins. I won’t drink Castle as much as Kili mostly because it is South African and all of the South Africans I’ve met in Dar or around there are essentially neo-colonialists and I don’t want to support that even though they’re both brewed by the same company and probably are the same thing.

Tusker is a pretty easy going beer that is favored by a lot of people here in Arusha, especially all the old school white guys who were born and raised in still-colonial Africa. I think it’s actually Kenyan and I’ve seen it for sale in Market of Choice in Eugene. Rumor has it that Tanzania Breweries Ltd. just lost the license to brew it or something so they’ll stop brewing it soon. This has yet to be confirmed.

Ndovu is essentially Tusker but in a smaller green bottle with foil wrapped around the cap so it looks fancier but I mean they both refer to elephants and really only get bought by people who want to look fancy or tourists who think it’s different. Reality is that you’re just paying the same price for a smaller bottle (only 375 ml whereas every other beer comes in half-liters here).

So which one is Pabst? Well none of them taste like PBR though some of them do put the awards they received on their labels though I don’t think any of those awards are from 100 years ago. Uhuru is kind of not classy, but isn’t widely available. Eagle is actually cheaper than all the other beers and tastes the shittiest though it’s not widely available either. Safari would be the next unclassy beer but the truth is just that none of the cultures exist here that carry the same connotations as PBR life except for alcoholism and from my experiences, the alcoholics in Tanzania rarely live and die by one particular beer. Tricky question, David. Pabst is more than a beer, it’s a lifestyle or an inside joke or a history or sometimes just flavor. Nothing here really fits that mold.


Okay, that was more than I planned on writing about that which bodes poorly for answering the next question, but here it goes:



Part II: Who has influenced you most during your time abroad?

Real tough question. Nobody and nothing immediately comes to mind when I consider how I could answer this so there’s no one clear role model. I’ve surely been influenced by a great deal of people, experiences, things I’ve read, etc. during my time here and I feel like I’ve changed a lot as a result. Truth be told, by the beginning of my second month in Tanzania, I felt a big change coming on and huge reevaluation of who I am, what I believe in, where my values lie, etc. turning in me which I think probably came through in just about everything for 5 or 6 months there. I feel like I’ve made it through all of the hard parts now and have been much more comfortable in my own skin over the past couple months though there’s been sort of like a rebirth process which I think I wrote about last month.

Now that the dust has settled, I’ve learned what I value most and even in the last two weeks I think I found my dream job. Who I am and how I’ve changed has been the result of many different influences.

In terms of people, I’d say that I was mostly influenced in Dar slightly by everyone I came into contact with. It wasn’t easy for me to just be myself or feel comfortable being who I have always been before when I was living in Dar so I really had to start thinking about who I was, who I wanted to be, and how I was being perceived. I enjoyed meeting such diverse people in the international students and local students who gave me a lot of ideas of who I wanted to be and way too many ideas of who I didn’t want to be. I was inspired by how hardworking some of my fellow students were and wanted to be more like that. I didn’t want to be as socially awkward or socially oblivious as some other people I knew were and I DEFINITELY did not want to be as angry all the time and uptight as this one Austrian student. I never really hit my stride in Dar, but by the end I was living more like I wanted to by taking my studies more seriously, finding time to volunteer in the evenings, taking extra time to learn Swahili, and was doing a little better socially or maybe not.

There have been a lot of other experiences that have influenced me in many ways too. I think any time I talked about getting some fresh inspiration, that meant I was influenced in a way. I saw that “Invictus” movie which made me remember how much Nelson Mandela is a hero of mine. I also got to meet everyday people who had some pretty amazing stories. Most Tanzanians we know would be extraordinary people if placed in our society just in terms of the things they can do and the experiences they have. There are 8-year-olds who can do more with a kerosene stove or a hoe than I can or people like my friend Hamimu who is 19 but has had to deal with more heartbreaking loss in his life than an 85-year-old man. He was already orphaned and in his grandmother’s custody though she’s been slowly dying from diabetes. In the couple weeks I was out of Dar traveling with Dylan, two more people he was living with died too. Or then I think of some of the students I was teaching or even Juhudi here in Arusha who will be very honest about how they haven’t eaten all day because they have no money but aren’t asking for help or sympathy. I went to Juhudi’s two-room house yesterday with it’s sitting room and it’s bedroom/kitchen for his wife and two kids. He’s working on moving into a four-room home which is a significant improvement but still seems dreadful based on our standards and he doesn’t even complain because the family next door has only one room and 5 people living in it. Very humbling moments at all times. I understand the psychological value of complaining for the sake of venting, but our problems are just so petty.

I remember now just a song I listen to a lot here that is kind of about that called “Petty Problems” and I remember that I’m really influenced by music I listen to here. When I’m on my own computer, I most often will listen to Defiance, Ohio and John Lennon who are definitely my favorites right now but I even end up just listening to a lot Blink 182 from time to time as strange as that is. I’ve grown more fond of pop music and hip-hop since I’ve been here just because it’s always on whether it is American or Tanzanian. I’ll say up front that Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” is the best song in the last year and I think it’s even been about a year now since it came out but still has yet to be dethroned. I can listen to that song over and over which is good because Tanzanians like to play the same song over and over. I can’t say for sure how strongly I’ve been influenced by music but it’s definitely laid the soundtrack for my time here and when I listen to John Lennon and here what he has to say in his music, it usually makes me think. Same with Defiance, Ohio even though I’ve only got like 10 or 12 songs by them.

I have to admit that I’ve officially achieved bookworm status for the first time in my life (except for minor two week periods here and there) just in the last two months that I’ve been in Arusha and this has been probably the biggest clear influence lately. I’m averaging about one book per week right now which for me has been really pleasurable and I’m learning a lot. I wasn’t really able to read for pleasure in Dar or have a peaceful setting in which to read until I got here so I’m taking advantage of it. Actually it’s mainly because the VIA house in Moshi has an outstanding book collection. I’ve read some fiction like Steinbeck, Hemingway, and Vonnegut but what’s influenced me most has been the nonfiction. I’ve read the biopics “Mountains Beyond Mountains”, “Three Cups of Tea” and “Banker for the Poor”, all of which I would recommend. I’ve also read “The End of Poverty” by Jeffrey Sachs and last week I finished “Out of Poverty” by Paul Polak. The two most influential books in terms of changing my thinking have been “Banker for the Poor” and “Out of Poverty”. The first one completely changed the way I think about poverty and economics. The second one was not a great book, but I mentioned earlier that I think I’ve found my dream job. I won’t go into it now, but it’s basically what’s going on in this book.

As you can see, I’ve been influenced by just about everything. I came here ready to just open myself up to be influenced and changed. It turned out to be a much more difficult experience than I expected in that sense. One last big influence has just been my memories. I try and remember all of the things I ever learned or how things used to be just to try and give me some support when times are rough or confusing here. I try and think about who is out there reading this blog and what they would say. I try and think about my friends at home or elsewhere and what they might be up to. I try and remember who I used to be and what I’ve been through in different points in my life even if it seems like another person. I’ve basically just been trying to make sense of everything by pulling from every different source that I can from my experiences, things I’ve read, and even my own imagination. I’m influenced by a lot of things but I’ve never wanted to be someone else regardless of how great or inspirational they are. I’ve always wanted to pull together all of the good things from a variety of places and synthesize them into something great. I see the flaws in everything and don’t follow any dogmas, but I also see the positive things and am influenced by them just as much as the negatives.

So I said that I’ve changed and rearranged my values just since November. I’ve learned a lot about what is important to me and what I think I can do or should do with my life. As cliché as it sounds, my most important values are just love and peace. I’ve learned that I want to be a leader and I want to dedicate myself to service. I’ve learned that poverty is the enemy and that we can do a lot more than just talk about it. It’s taken me this entire experience for all of this to come together and it’s really been derived from countless influential sources. What this all means for when I come back, I don’t know, but I guess I’ve only got a month to wait and find out.