The Return

Wednesday, June 16, 2010  9:22 PM (Doha and Dar es Salaam time)

I am writing this from the airport here in Doha, Qatar where I will sit for the next 12 hours before my flight leaves for JFK in the morning.  I fought valiantly to get a hotel room for the night but alas it was unsuccessful.  I did manage to get a dinner out of it though so I’ll take that victory!  I have to admit that I’ve been having a blast here so far.  There are people of all colors and hues here with me holding down the lighter end of things pretty well.  I remember this place well from my last stay here and am delighted to see that there are still a bunch of old middle eastern dudes who dye their beards orange.  I made the stupid mistake (for the second time this week) of wearing shorts in a predominantly Muslim place but the world is changing and this is becoming less of a big deal so I’ll count this as a victory too, I suppose.  I’m making my way back into the developed world and it’s pretty exciting.  Already, just in this airport alone, I’ve drank out of a drinking fountain(!!) and even had a fountain soda.  Absolutely amazing.  I’m pretty happy right now and actually enjoying everything.  My plan from this point forward is to pull somewhat of an all-nighter here and maybe work on my internship paper/screw around on the internet/listen to all of the songs that have been stuck in my head all day/and write this here blog then on the plane stay up as long as I can watching movies, tv shows, music videos, etc. until I get to New York and then hopefully get drunk or just nap on that last flight to Portland.  Everything is going well so far and I’m not having too hard of a time adjusting or anything though the point of me writing this is to talk about the topic of my anticipated reintegration.

IE3, the Oregon organization that I did my internship through, was kind enough to send me some information about “re-entry shock” and some possible solutions.  I’m serious in saying that I appreciate this and think it’s cool that they sent me this but I’ve got some of my own comments and such on it since I’ve read it.  You can find the link to what I’m talking about here: http://ie3global.ous.edu/alumni/re_entry_shock/ .  Here’s the headlines that they arranged everything under and some commentary from me:

You may feel confused because the values, attitudes and lifestyles you learned in your host family conflict with predominant patterns at home

…maybe.  I suppose this is probably true even though I wasn’t in a host family but rather just a different culture.  I’m pretty sure most of my values, attitudes and lifestyles have always conflicted with the predominant patterns of home anyway.  Even now that I’m here in Doha, I’m disappointed at how trivial all of the duty free perfumes seem and all of the disposable plates/cups/etc. of the cafeteria.  I didn’t like this kind of stuff at home but I guess I sort of forgot about it over the last months because it’s not as prevalent where I was.  Not really a change in values I think though.

Sometimes friends and family at home do not seem interested in hearing about aspects of your experience that you find meaningful and important.

Why should you?  You weren’t there and that’s not your fault.  Some friends and family not at home (as in back in Tanzania) are not interested in hearing about these things either.  Same situation as before where people just aren’t always interested in the same things as me.  Just something that’s always been that way.

Friends and family may treat you as the same person you were before you left without recognizing the changes you have been through. You might feel a need for new or modified personal relationships that acknowledge the changed or expanded dimensions of your personality.

I’m still Scott.  I admit I have changed in some ways and more than I know but also other people I meet up with will probably be looking for changes anyway, potentially to the point where they’re imagining things that aren’t true.  For example, even after my first semester in Canada a couple years ago, my friend told me I talk different or something like that but I mean if you’re looking for things then you’ll probably find something but that doesn’t mean that it’s actually different.  Here are some changes I’m expecting: my body will take some time to handle the change in foods (everything is processed for example and I will probably be lactose intolerant now – lame), I have more experience and knowledge to back up the things I already believed before I left, and I have suppressed the desire to go a bit crazy for several months now which I hope my friends will let me.  I’m sure there will be more than this but I’m at a pretty good point in my life and my attitude right now where I can handle this pretty well.

You may feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings of affection for your host family because your own family feels left out or possibly jealous. Friends might also seem to be envious or jealous of the experience you have had.

Okay well I didn’t actually have a host family but that second sentence is interesting.  My friend has actually given me some good perspective on that and inspired me a bit or at least gotten me to perk up a bit when times were tough.  A long time ago Michael told me something like “whatever dude I’m still jealous” which made me realize that yeah it actually was pretty cool to be there.  The truth is that it’s much different just imagining a place versus actually living there, especially for an extended period of time.  I expect you all to have some interesting conceptions on what my life has been like but you have to understand that to me it was just life.  By the end of everything, it was just what I was used to and it felt to me the way life at home feels.  When you’re accustomed to it, you don’t have that new feeling anymore like everything is fresh and foreign to your eyes.  I admit that I thought it was really cool but I feel that way about Eugene a lot too and Vancouver or just other places.  Life is life wherever you are.

You might be confused about future educational and career plans in light of new or uncertain goals and priorities.

Actually the opposite is true which is really great.  I wish I could have learned this new knowledge years ago because it would have changed the course of my life.  I feel good and prepared to take the next step.

If you find that your attitudes and opinions have changed considerably during your stay abroad and are not widely shared in your home community, you may feel isolated or rejected. You may feel highly critical of your home country because you have new perspectives on it; you may be criticized by others for your "negative attitude."

Same story as before where I have always felt somewhat isolated in my beliefs.  Maybe that’s why I wound up in Tanzania and not Europe or something.  Maybe I am isolated in my beliefs.  I’ve always been critical of my home country and though I do have new perspectives, I’ve actually really learned to love life in the U.S. or at least be thankful that I was fortunate enough to be born there… though I’ve always been criticized for my “negative attitude” but believe me I’m trying to correct this.

You may become frustrated because people at home are uninformed about, or uninterested in, other peoples and cultures, including those of your host community. Faced with this lack of concern, you might feel that there is no way for you to take an active role in helping solve the problems of others in the world community.

This one is actually true.  It’s true that I am frustrated and also true that people’s lack of concern makes it really hard to try and mobilize people in trying to give a shit about what’s going on in the world or at least broadening theirs.  You’ve already forgotten about Haiti, haven’t you?  Well let me tell you something, Haitians haven’t and won’t for a long time to come.  It’s a blessing and a burden that we can’t care more about things that don’t directly affect ourselves but please never forget that these are real people and never just statistics.  Make a connection somehow and humanize others because we ought to share suffering as humanity not just make it acceptable for some to struggle immensely while we refuse to even try to let this interest us.

So that’s that on my end of things.  There is another link that they said is good for family and friends to read that you can check out here: http://ie3global.ous.edu/alumni/info_for_family_and_friends/ .  I haven’t read through it yet but it’s probably interesting at least.

Some closing comments now.  Just from having my dad come and visit I started thinking a lot more about people at home and how it’s going to be or at least remembering how it was a little bit more.  First thing I noticed was complaining (sorry Dad, but it’s true).  I’m not a fan of complaining though I admit that I do it from time to time as well.  Next time you find yourself complaining, count your blessings.  Seriously.  Our lives our great.  Not to say that we don’t have legitimate concerns but we tend to victimize ourselves over such small things which is just, well, pathetic.  Be thankful, dammit!  The second thing was that although things have definitely changed at home, a lot of the same issues are still there.  I realized that some things just have never changed and unless you step away or do something different for a while, they’re bound to continue along the exact same path into eternity.  I won’t go more into this.

My last expectations or rather warnings are that I am incredibly out of date in terms of what has happened at home.  I lacked a reliable and accessible internet connection which thoroughly prevented me from keeping up with the news and social lives of my friends.  Who is dating who nowadays?  What’s going on in the world?  Who has moved or is just going somewhere else?  I have a lot to catch up on and unfortunately so does my sense of humor.  My material still dates back to last summer.  Are Jonas Brothers jokes still cool to make?  Probably not.  Please folks, bear with me on this all as it is bound to take some time.

Last (and really last this time) I have to expect the unexpected here.  This re-entry shock is supposed to be way worse than the initial culture shock and they say the same is true about jetlag.  We’ll just deal with these as they come.  One thing I think I've learned out of this whole experience is how to put things into perspective and just how to deal with things which I think will make a big difference in this next part.  My plan for right now is to set myself on the path to self-destruction and hope that when I come out of the crash, things have settled down nicely.

With all that said, I look forward to seeing everyone once again.  It’s probable that by the time you read this, I will already be home.  Give me a call, say hey, do whatever.  It would be nice to reunite after this time away.  Thanks for reading.